So as many of you may have seen in the news recently, Pope Benedict XVI has recently shocked the world by announcing that contraception is okay in certain situations: like for male prostitutes. Now....I get the male prostitute logic about not spreading diseases, but its kind of funny to imagine him just sitting there and saying, yeah male prostitutes should be able to use condems. And even funnier that he still doesn't think its okay for the rest of the Catholic community to use them.
According to my friend Alex, the Catholic Church says that elements of both "love and procreation" are necessary in the act of sexual intercourse. He also says the Church has a "no blowjob" rule. (On a side note, I think under that logic most of the world is going to hell).
Anyways, I have a solution for the Pope-a. Redefine protected sex as something entirely different. Now, I know the you church-goers will say that sex is sex is sex is sex, and sex must always contain a risk of procreation. Yeah yeah yeah...well, just imagine this headline.
"Pope Announces Protected Sex Is No Longer Sex, It Is Now 'Funky Time' (In a German accent)"
Funky Time will allow protected sexual intercourse for everyone, young adults who don't want children too early, any persons with sexual diseases (not just male prostitutes [does the church have something against homosexuals?] will be able to not worry about spreading their genital ailment, and is lube already cool, cuz Alex's priest says its cool by him ZINGG
Anyways....C'mon Big Poppy the Church needs to go with the times. Even married people don't want children so we can let sex be sex, but we need to have something for everyone who doesn't want to have children but still need to get their freak on. So I say, LET THERE BE FUNKY TIME....and blowjobs.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
I Have A Problem With Ryan Reynolds Being The Green Lantern
The Green Lantern is supposed to be black.
Ok...well...thats it for that problem...so new topic I guess.
Ummm...
So Ryan Reynolds also got selected as People's sexiest man of the year.
Umm....why??
He always plays such annoying characters, his face makes me think of a whiny child and he might be in good shape but there are so many people who are in good shape. Being in good shape is no reason to be consider sexiest dude. People is also discounting like anyone who isn't famous, which puts the title between the same like 6 people every year.
Can we please just keep giving it to Denzel and be done.
Ok...well...thats it for that problem...so new topic I guess.
Ummm...
So Ryan Reynolds also got selected as People's sexiest man of the year.
Umm....why??
He always plays such annoying characters, his face makes me think of a whiny child and he might be in good shape but there are so many people who are in good shape. Being in good shape is no reason to be consider sexiest dude. People is also discounting like anyone who isn't famous, which puts the title between the same like 6 people every year.
Can we please just keep giving it to Denzel and be done.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Radcliffe, Grint, and Watson...The Triumvirate
Back in 2000 or 2001 when casting was done for HP and the Sorcerers Stone, it must've been really tough to cast out the main three characters, because they had to be good child actors and you had to hope they turned into beautiful, beautiful (what are they now?) 24 year olds depicting 17 year olds.
Nonetheless, it was really tough, but I will give you my analysis of the three. (I havn't seen Part 1 yet by the way).
Daniel Radcliffe: The boy with the equine fetish. He was a real cutiepie back in the day, looked just like the drawings of Harry in the book. Spot on. Wonderful job casting crew...
But now look at Daniel Radcliffe. I'd always imagined Harry a tad bit taller, not having a ridiculously wide face, and without the odd horse fetish.
Harry is a hero-type character with lots of emotions though, lots of emotions, and Harry is bad at emotions. So do to Daniel's odd face type and often questionable acting it seems to make him the perfect choice for an emotional teenage boy, although I wouldn't want my universe to hang in his balance.
Rupert Grint: I have no strong feeling besides thank god he got a haircut after Goblet. Oh dear was that dreadful. So besides that he strikes me as the perfect character for a I'm not as good as Harry but I'm probably a lot more normal once you get past my jealousy complex.
Emma Watson: Emma Watson was just a bushy haired child when we first met her. Now she is the most beautiful woman in the entireee world. You heard me. Emma Watson is fierce, and is perfect for Hermione, and she is also the most beautiful gorgeous person ever and I wanted to apply to Brown and wished I had tried harder in school just so I could've.
AND ANYONE WHO DARES TO SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT HER NEW HAIRCUT IS A HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE SOMEONE AS GORGEOUS AS EMMA WATSON LOOKS GORGEOUS WHETHER OR NOT SHE HAS HAIR, WHETHER OR NOT ANYTHINGGGGG!!!
So basically Daniel Radcliffe makes me laugh, Rupert Grint works, and I love Emma Watson and if you dare bismirch the name of Ms. Watson, you will have to face my fury.
Nonetheless, it was really tough, but I will give you my analysis of the three. (I havn't seen Part 1 yet by the way).
Daniel Radcliffe: The boy with the equine fetish. He was a real cutiepie back in the day, looked just like the drawings of Harry in the book. Spot on. Wonderful job casting crew...
But now look at Daniel Radcliffe. I'd always imagined Harry a tad bit taller, not having a ridiculously wide face, and without the odd horse fetish.
Harry is a hero-type character with lots of emotions though, lots of emotions, and Harry is bad at emotions. So do to Daniel's odd face type and often questionable acting it seems to make him the perfect choice for an emotional teenage boy, although I wouldn't want my universe to hang in his balance.
Rupert Grint: I have no strong feeling besides thank god he got a haircut after Goblet. Oh dear was that dreadful. So besides that he strikes me as the perfect character for a I'm not as good as Harry but I'm probably a lot more normal once you get past my jealousy complex.
Emma Watson: Emma Watson was just a bushy haired child when we first met her. Now she is the most beautiful woman in the entireee world. You heard me. Emma Watson is fierce, and is perfect for Hermione, and she is also the most beautiful gorgeous person ever and I wanted to apply to Brown and wished I had tried harder in school just so I could've.
AND ANYONE WHO DARES TO SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT HER NEW HAIRCUT IS A HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE SOMEONE AS GORGEOUS AS EMMA WATSON LOOKS GORGEOUS WHETHER OR NOT SHE HAS HAIR, WHETHER OR NOT ANYTHINGGGGG!!!
So basically Daniel Radcliffe makes me laugh, Rupert Grint works, and I love Emma Watson and if you dare bismirch the name of Ms. Watson, you will have to face my fury.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
LeBron Leaving Was The BEST Thing To Ever Happen For Cleveland
When a superstar loses a superstar always says it was his own fault. He might say oh the other team played some good basketball. When superstars lose they're supposed to say I wasn't good enough, I should've been better because I am a superstar and I am supposed to be good enough to win.
For seven years the city of Cleveland has had to listen to LeBron make excuse after excuse, burdening down the Cavaliers organization with his every whim, burdening down the entire city with his ever growing ego.
Yes, LeBron James brought hope to a seemingly ill-fated basketball team, he took them to a final and he won them a lot of games. But, LeBron has been a plague, since the day he arrived. A plague upon every person who deems him or herself a Cavs fan.
LeBron treated the Cavs organization like he owned it, calling the shots, calling what players he wanted on the team, what coach, what he wanted all the time. And because LeBron was a plague, and since he got everything he wanted, he leeched the city of Cleveland, he burdened the city with his plague.
Now LeBron is gone...We are free. And LeBron does NOT like that. He doesn't like that he doesn't have control of us anymore. He knew right from the decision that if went peacefully that it would end there. A few fans would call him a traitor, but then, they're not fans, they'd just be bitter. No, to start things off, LeBron told his fans he was leaving on national TV, no one expected that. He hurt the entire city, rubbed some dirt in it, and laughed, with everyone watching as the city writhed in pain.
So LeBron, with "The Decision", extended the plague to after his stay. But, with the Cavs beating the Celtics to start the season, Cavs fans were saying YEAHH WE CAN DO IT.
Then came his latest "Rise" campaign, taking shots at everybody including Cleveland and its fans. Yeah that was mature, Lebron, that was really mature. But I don't expect any maturity from LeBron, he's just a little kid at heart and everyone in Cleveland stopped talking about him for a night, so he got mad and made them talk about him. He keeps trying to bring the plague back, but fortunately its harder now that he's gone.
Now that he's gone....
Now that he's gone...
DONT YOU SEE...Nooww that he's gone we don't have to worry about our "superstar". We don't have to worry that he won't show up come playoff time. We won't worry every offseason when he so indecisively avoids telling us what he plans to do in the future. We won't have an organization built one hundred percent around one player.
We will have a team that plays like a team and will win and will lose playing like a team.
We will never lose another game because one person didn't try.
We will never lose another game because our coach couldn't control his players.
We will never lose another game because someone's elbow hurt.
We will never lose another game because someone's ego hurt.
....Although....I can't promise we won't lose another game because the players sleep with each others mothers and then no one tells the dude whose mom got slept with and then they all feel awkward and yea.....that....well....its still Cleveland c'mon
But...But...now we have a team that will win or they will lose as a team, and they will walk out of the tunnel when its over with Cavs jerseys on. We won't ever have to watch our players lose and rip their jerseys off on national television. We will have a team that wears their Cleveland Cavaliers uniform with pride.
We will have a Cleveland Cavaliers team that represents us with pride, and for the last seven years, that is not a luxury we have had, and for that I say Lebron leaving was the best thing to ever happen to the city of Cleveland.
In Byron we trust.
For seven years the city of Cleveland has had to listen to LeBron make excuse after excuse, burdening down the Cavaliers organization with his every whim, burdening down the entire city with his ever growing ego.
Yes, LeBron James brought hope to a seemingly ill-fated basketball team, he took them to a final and he won them a lot of games. But, LeBron has been a plague, since the day he arrived. A plague upon every person who deems him or herself a Cavs fan.
LeBron treated the Cavs organization like he owned it, calling the shots, calling what players he wanted on the team, what coach, what he wanted all the time. And because LeBron was a plague, and since he got everything he wanted, he leeched the city of Cleveland, he burdened the city with his plague.
Now LeBron is gone...We are free. And LeBron does NOT like that. He doesn't like that he doesn't have control of us anymore. He knew right from the decision that if went peacefully that it would end there. A few fans would call him a traitor, but then, they're not fans, they'd just be bitter. No, to start things off, LeBron told his fans he was leaving on national TV, no one expected that. He hurt the entire city, rubbed some dirt in it, and laughed, with everyone watching as the city writhed in pain.
So LeBron, with "The Decision", extended the plague to after his stay. But, with the Cavs beating the Celtics to start the season, Cavs fans were saying YEAHH WE CAN DO IT.
Then came his latest "Rise" campaign, taking shots at everybody including Cleveland and its fans. Yeah that was mature, Lebron, that was really mature. But I don't expect any maturity from LeBron, he's just a little kid at heart and everyone in Cleveland stopped talking about him for a night, so he got mad and made them talk about him. He keeps trying to bring the plague back, but fortunately its harder now that he's gone.
Now that he's gone....
Now that he's gone...
DONT YOU SEE...Nooww that he's gone we don't have to worry about our "superstar". We don't have to worry that he won't show up come playoff time. We won't worry every offseason when he so indecisively avoids telling us what he plans to do in the future. We won't have an organization built one hundred percent around one player.
We will have a team that plays like a team and will win and will lose playing like a team.
We will never lose another game because one person didn't try.
We will never lose another game because our coach couldn't control his players.
We will never lose another game because someone's elbow hurt.
We will never lose another game because someone's ego hurt.
....Although....I can't promise we won't lose another game because the players sleep with each others mothers and then no one tells the dude whose mom got slept with and then they all feel awkward and yea.....that....well....its still Cleveland c'mon
But...But...now we have a team that will win or they will lose as a team, and they will walk out of the tunnel when its over with Cavs jerseys on. We won't ever have to watch our players lose and rip their jerseys off on national television. We will have a team that wears their Cleveland Cavaliers uniform with pride.
We will have a Cleveland Cavaliers team that represents us with pride, and for the last seven years, that is not a luxury we have had, and for that I say Lebron leaving was the best thing to ever happen to the city of Cleveland.
In Byron we trust.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Death of Music and The Industry
Pirating music. Glee. Guitar Hero. Fall of the recording studio. Auto-tune.
Music is dying. The music industry is dying. When is it going to turn around?
You may object, "The music industry is certainly not dying! Music is everywhere, The Beatles are on iTunes, and Glee is in full force, and everyone loves Rock Band and Guitar Hero, and my friend downloads so much music its just ridiculous, and he also records his own albums in his basement and..and...why are shaking your head at me...?"
I'm shaking my head at you because you see the problem, you are so aware of it but at the same time you are completely oblivious. You don't see that all of these things are the downfall itself.
I shall try to put all of the reasons into this post but I will surely miss some, but here they are in list form.
1. Smaller record labels and recording studios are dying because of how easy it is to pirate music and because of how easy it is buy recording equipment that give you the illusion of a professional recording studio.
Pirating music: Studios and labels put about 15% of their money into developing new artists. Popular artists (not new artists) work their way up to the large commercial studios that do not need to make the effort to search for new talent. At any one instant there are over 750 million music files being transferred over the internet for free. Smaller studios and labels cannot continue to invest in developing new artists because they do not have enough money because so much of their music is being stolen instead of being bought.
HOW ARE NEW ARTISTS SUPPOSED TO GET FOUND BY A LABEL OR STUDIO IF ALL THE SMALLER ONES DIE?!?!? Oh many bands have done it without studios helping them, there are examples, but it is so hard to make it without any help at all. And if all the small studios die then there will only be the big companies that spew mainstream monotony. Musical progression will die because of this.
People buying recording equipment: Almost every person and band that wants to make it nowadays has their own recording equipment. And they record themselves and it sounds fine. They do everything themselves and its a real experience. But unless they want that lo-fi sound thats what their stuck with, because they do not have profession equipment. Its kind of like buying a Vizio TV. Looks great. Real cheap. Not actually as good as the top brands. Unless you go all out and spend thousands upon thousands of dollars (and probably more than that), your home studio will never be as good as a professional recording studio and therefore the products will not be as good. But people look at professional recording studios and say, OH HOW EXPENSIVE, and I CAN DO IT MYSELF, and you know what, congratulations on your beautiful new Line 6 8-channel interface, its gonna be great. People recording in their basements to try to "make it" are hurting the small studios and labels because they just arn't going to them.
Because of pirating and people not seeing the need for recording studios, these smaller studios are dying and making it even harder for up and coming artists to "make it".
2. Rock Band and Guitar Hero are driving kids away from learning instruments
Ill make this one a lot shorter. PLAYING ROCK BAND DOESN'T TEACH YOU ANYTHING ABOUT PLAYING MUSIC. umm....i really like rock band...im not saying its not fun...but I play guitar way more than I play rock band, so...if u can get 100% on Through The Fire and Flames....WHOOPPIIDYYDOOO!!!...I can play real guitar ZINNNGGG
3. Glee and Mainstream Music
Glee....I love how Glee brings back a lot of older music that I want to be popular. And I absolutely love how Glee takes all those songs and makes them into these mainstream drones, replications of the sound we constantly here on the radio today. I love how when the characters start singing there is an obvious, unnatural echo to their voice that wasn't there before. I just love...wait....nevermind...
MAINSTREAM MUSIC IS NOT ABOUT MUSIC ANYMORE
Its about the money mannn. Its about letting some guy write you a catchy song while you roll around in your vault all day long smoking the best weed with lots of really hot chicks. Nickleback's got some great new music. Look at Weezer's newest album, insane right?!?!?!?! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO BANDS? Why do they get turned into mainstream drones? Why do major record labels sign them to contracts that force them to play regurgitated shit? I don't know, but it scares me to death.
DON'T GET THE BLACK KEYS!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT THEM MAINSTREAM MONSTER!!! I WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU TOUCH THEM.
I'd like to take this moment to say, hey Jack White and Third Man Records.....you guys rockkkk!!!
Let music breathe....the industry is dying...creativity is being squandered
Music is dying. The music industry is dying. When is it going to turn around?
You may object, "The music industry is certainly not dying! Music is everywhere, The Beatles are on iTunes, and Glee is in full force, and everyone loves Rock Band and Guitar Hero, and my friend downloads so much music its just ridiculous, and he also records his own albums in his basement and..and...why are shaking your head at me...?"
I'm shaking my head at you because you see the problem, you are so aware of it but at the same time you are completely oblivious. You don't see that all of these things are the downfall itself.
I shall try to put all of the reasons into this post but I will surely miss some, but here they are in list form.
1. Smaller record labels and recording studios are dying because of how easy it is to pirate music and because of how easy it is buy recording equipment that give you the illusion of a professional recording studio.
Pirating music: Studios and labels put about 15% of their money into developing new artists. Popular artists (not new artists) work their way up to the large commercial studios that do not need to make the effort to search for new talent. At any one instant there are over 750 million music files being transferred over the internet for free. Smaller studios and labels cannot continue to invest in developing new artists because they do not have enough money because so much of their music is being stolen instead of being bought.
HOW ARE NEW ARTISTS SUPPOSED TO GET FOUND BY A LABEL OR STUDIO IF ALL THE SMALLER ONES DIE?!?!? Oh many bands have done it without studios helping them, there are examples, but it is so hard to make it without any help at all. And if all the small studios die then there will only be the big companies that spew mainstream monotony. Musical progression will die because of this.
People buying recording equipment: Almost every person and band that wants to make it nowadays has their own recording equipment. And they record themselves and it sounds fine. They do everything themselves and its a real experience. But unless they want that lo-fi sound thats what their stuck with, because they do not have profession equipment. Its kind of like buying a Vizio TV. Looks great. Real cheap. Not actually as good as the top brands. Unless you go all out and spend thousands upon thousands of dollars (and probably more than that), your home studio will never be as good as a professional recording studio and therefore the products will not be as good. But people look at professional recording studios and say, OH HOW EXPENSIVE, and I CAN DO IT MYSELF, and you know what, congratulations on your beautiful new Line 6 8-channel interface, its gonna be great. People recording in their basements to try to "make it" are hurting the small studios and labels because they just arn't going to them.
Because of pirating and people not seeing the need for recording studios, these smaller studios are dying and making it even harder for up and coming artists to "make it".
2. Rock Band and Guitar Hero are driving kids away from learning instruments
Ill make this one a lot shorter. PLAYING ROCK BAND DOESN'T TEACH YOU ANYTHING ABOUT PLAYING MUSIC. umm....i really like rock band...im not saying its not fun...but I play guitar way more than I play rock band, so...if u can get 100% on Through The Fire and Flames....WHOOPPIIDYYDOOO!!!...I can play real guitar ZINNNGGG
3. Glee and Mainstream Music
Glee....I love how Glee brings back a lot of older music that I want to be popular. And I absolutely love how Glee takes all those songs and makes them into these mainstream drones, replications of the sound we constantly here on the radio today. I love how when the characters start singing there is an obvious, unnatural echo to their voice that wasn't there before. I just love...wait....nevermind...
MAINSTREAM MUSIC IS NOT ABOUT MUSIC ANYMORE
Its about the money mannn. Its about letting some guy write you a catchy song while you roll around in your vault all day long smoking the best weed with lots of really hot chicks. Nickleback's got some great new music. Look at Weezer's newest album, insane right?!?!?!?! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO BANDS? Why do they get turned into mainstream drones? Why do major record labels sign them to contracts that force them to play regurgitated shit? I don't know, but it scares me to death.
DON'T GET THE BLACK KEYS!!! PLEASE DON'T HURT THEM MAINSTREAM MONSTER!!! I WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU TOUCH THEM.
I'd like to take this moment to say, hey Jack White and Third Man Records.....you guys rockkkk!!!
Let music breathe....the industry is dying...creativity is being squandered
Welcome to "The Issues"
Welcome to "The Issues", a blog dedicated to bringing to the light the problems of the world, big or small, important or not. I, the blogmaster...errrr...guy with the password, will write posts about something I think is wrong with the world. You may then comment upon my post. You may support me, you may question me, you may blow my complaints to nothing with your vast intellect or you may throw a thousand curse words at me to show your distaste.
But also, you may post posts and bring up problems as well, of which I shall comment on, and so forth, and so forth, and yes.
Of course, all posts I make will be of my personal beliefs and, although I do not consider myself a controversial individual, at times I will have to be a controversial blogmaster or else this blog would not be interesting at all.
Charlie
Blogmaster
"What Is Wrong With The World Today?" -FotC
But also, you may post posts and bring up problems as well, of which I shall comment on, and so forth, and so forth, and yes.
Of course, all posts I make will be of my personal beliefs and, although I do not consider myself a controversial individual, at times I will have to be a controversial blogmaster or else this blog would not be interesting at all.
Charlie
Blogmaster
"What Is Wrong With The World Today?" -FotC
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